Original Poem: Why Am I Stupid?

By Phillip Garrett

I am stupid because I choose to be so. A subconscious desire to ruin each and every part of what makes me human. I can blame it on my past and never change the future. That is why I am stupid.

I am stupid because I was chosen to be. Things out of my control tether me to the things I wish to be. A desire to be more claws at my heart, yelling to be set free, yet I stuff my ears with futile technology. That is why I am stupid.

I am stupid because my friends want me to be. Either from expectation or from lack of it, the pressures of life sit wailing in my stomach. I stuff them with food. That is why I am stupid.

I am stupid because there’s no reason to be. I see those I admire. I watch them pass me by. But where is my desire? It’s pounding in my head, silenced only by my meds. This is why I am stupid.

I am stupid because I was never smart. I sit awake at night, a lonely ceiling whispering to a boy who wants to be better than everyone else. Yet everyone sleeps at night as I converse with the walls of my room. That is why I am stupid. 

I am stupid because I am a coward. I wanted to be strong; I wanted to make a difference. So why do I cry when difference knocks on my door? That is why I am stupid.

I am stupid because I am ugly. You’re only worth your looks, or so I’m told. That Is why I am stupid.  

I am stupid because I dream. When the images of sleep no longer want to be by my side, I wake up and tell myself I can do it. That is why I am stupid.

I am stupid because I am no longer a kid. Suffocated by the chaos, I decided to grow up and leave what made me happy behind. That is why I am stupid. 

I am stupid because I can’t be someone else. Trapped with the mind my parents gifted me. I can’t be a genius. I wasn’t chosen to be so. So how do you cope? Maybe you don’t. That is why I am stupid. 

I am stupid because I am nothing but an animal. I’m human, nothing more special than the beasts we abuse, only determined to be smarter by the lady of chance. I’ve been told I am superior, yet I see dogs, insects, and rodents stand on two legs and tell me they’re worthwhile, and I believe them. That is why I am stupid.

Author's Note

Don't be alarmed by the seemingly grim tone of the poem. I believe that a strong grasp of self-awareness is one of the most important parts of being a successful human. And, as a whole, that is the point of the poem. I wanted to point out how I feel/perceive myself because only through self-awareness can you reach the next step: lightheartedness. Once you know your faults, or at least don’t take them quite as seriously, you can begin to be the person you wish you were. I think that most can agree that self-denial is something we have all experienced. Whether it be as simple as admitting you're wrong or as big as self-betterment, self-honesty is a difficult skill to grasp. By no means am I perfect at it, but through exercises like these, I hope to become more than I am now.

Thank you for reading!